RESPONSIVE READING #650, Cherish Your Doubts, Robert T. Weston

Cherish your doubts,
for doubt is the attendant of truth.

Doubt is the key to the door of knowledge;
it is the servant of discovery.

A belief which may not be questioned binds us to error,
for there is incompleteness and imperfection in every belief.

Doubt is the touchstone of truth;
it is an acid which eats away the false.

Let no one fear for the truth,
that doubt may consume it;
for doubt is a testing of belief.

The truth stands boldly and unafraid:
it is not shaken by the testing:

For truth, if it be truth,
arises from each testing stronger, more secure.

Those that would silence doubt are filled with fear;
their houses are built on shifting sands.

But those who fear not doubt,
and know its use, are founded on rock.

They shall walk in the light of growing knowledge;
the work of their hands shall endure.

Therefore let us not fear doubt,
but let us rejoice in its help:

It is to the wise as a staff to the blind;
doubt is the attendant of truth.

READING:
Genesis, Chapter 32, verses 23-32:

That same night he arose, and taking his two wives, his two maid-servants, and his eleven children, he crossed the stream, he sent across all his possessions. Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn. When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he wrenched Jacob's hip at its socket, so that the socket of his hip was strained as he wrestled with him. Then he said, "Let me go, for dawn is breaking." But he answered, "I will not let you go, unless you bless me." Said the other, "What is your name?" He replied, "Jacob." Said he, "Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with beings divine and human, and have prevailed." Jacob asked, "Pray tell me your name." But he said, "You must not ask my name!" And he took leave of him there. So Jacob named the place Penuel, meaning, "I have seen a divine being face to face, yet my life has been preserved." The sun arose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping on his hip.

Rev. Amy A. Freedman
Channing Memorial Church
August 24, 2003

My summers as a child were spent splashing and playing along the shores of Long Pond, one of the largest bodies of fresh water on Cape Cod. At that time, my family had a cottage right up the road from the lake. I remember fondly the sound of the old school bell my mother would ring to call me home for dinner. I could hear its resonant tones all the way down the hill and even under water!

One sunny day when I was about twelve, Louvina came to spend a few days with us. We had acted together in several plays in Boston and had become good friends. This was her first time to the Cape and I was excited to show her all my favorite spots. One of them was the spot out in the water where someone had stacked some old cinder blocks. The blocks were down under the surface of the water but stacked in the right configuration, they were great for diving and other water acrobatics. As we swam out to the blocks, I chatted cheerfully. Just as I spotted the cinder blocks under water that was perhaps a foot over our heads, I turned to find my friend thrashing in the strangest way. Her arms were chopping through the water and her face registered sheer terror. "Louvina, you are almost to the blocks, over here!" I cried, but it was as if she could no longer hear me. I went to her, and suddenly was being grabbed and pushed under water as if she were trying to climb on top of me. Although I'm a good swimmer, I was never a Life Guard and had no idea what to do. My head kept being plunged under water and my friend was wrestling with me in a way that I could no longer try to save her but struggled to save myself. I finally broke free and just at that moment, our teenage neighbor and her father spotted us and rescued Louvina by swimming out with a life ring from their boat.

Although we were blue and shaken, both Louvina and I were fine. We were saved from what could have been a real tragedy. I could not understand at the time, why my mother was so mad at me. Of course I do now, that is every parent's nightmare! However, I was stunned that Louvina didn't know how to swim and that instead of saying so pushed herself over to sheer panic threatening both our lives.

Where do you believe God was on that day? I am sure that there are as many opinions as there are people in this Sanctuary. Some of you may even feel that the question is not relevant and believe instead that it was human actions not divine forces that led to both the struggle and it's resolution.

One of my least favorite expressions is "It was God's will." I do not believe in a transcendent God who acted to save Louvina and myself anymore than I believe that God is punishing people who suffer a tragedy. However, I do believe that God was present that day. God is the power of growth and change. Everyone involved in that incident learned important lessons that changed our relationship to one another and Long Pond. God is love. The friendship between Louvina and myself that brought a city kid to the country, the care of my mother for our well being, and the heroic actions of my neighbors were all inspired by love and compassion. God was also in the struggle as Louvina and I faced death in the water, and back on dry land embraced our lives with vigor and renewed promise. Like Jacob, "I have seen a divine being face to face, yet my life has been preserved." As our lives were at stake, Louvina and I were truly wrestling with God, a power greater than ourselves.

The biblical passage that Terry read this morning happens at a pivotal time in Jacob's journey when he is about to encounter his brother Esau. Jacob had tricked his brother out of his birthright and so rightly fears that Esau may kill him when he returns. Jacob sends his family and possessions on ahead and is left alone at the river. God takes on the form of a man and wrestles with him until the break of dawn. Jacob does not turn away from the struggle. He wrestles with God all through the night and even sustains an injury to his hip. Before it's over Jacob asks for a blessing. As a result, he is given a new name "Israel for you have striven with beings divine and human, and have prevailed".

Jacob struggling and holding his own helped to turn a negative situation into a positive blessed-filled one.¹ Who is changed because of this struggle? God? Jacob? Both? The relationship between them changed which is demonstrated by Jacob's new name. One interpretation of this passage is the fact that God initiates and engages in the wrestling, affirms a divine commitment to stay with Jacob in the struggle. God is not simply a passive presence but has an active engaged relationship.

Last week, I spoke of Unitarian Universalism as a heretical faith. A heretic is one who dissents from the orthodox view, but the word has an even deeper meaning. The Greek root of "heresy" is choice. Instead of following a strict doctrine or creed, our liberal religious movement is a chosen faith. The quotations that Terry and I read give you some sense of the depth and breadth of Unitarian Universalist views of the sacred. As our Unitarian Universalist Principles state, we affirm and promote: acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth, the right of conscience, and a free and responsible search for truth and meaning. This means that Unitarian Universalists are encouraged to wrestle with God and other questions of meaning in order to uncover the answers that resonate with your own experience. Like in our Responsive Reading this morning, doubt is not viewed as a fault but instead as "the key to the door of knowledge [and] the servant of discovery". Religion is not a passive activity but requires a passionate engagement in order for us not only to survive but to lead blessed-filled lives.

"Wrestling With God- A Unitarian Universalist Guide for Skeptics and Believers" by Tom Owen-Towle inspired the theme of today's service. Tom is the Minister Emeritus of the First UU Church of San Diego, CA, where he served as Co-Minister with his wife Carolyn Owen-Towle for over thirty years. As the subtitle states this book was written with Unitarian Universalists in mind. Although as individuals many of us share ideas with people of other faiths from liberal Christianity to Reform Judaism, Pagans, Buddhists and Taoists, as members of a liberal religious community we are unique in that we share our religious home with people of many different perspectives. Our own beliefs are enriched by being in dialogue and community with others who may or may not look at spiritual questions in exactly the same way just like our meditation from Terry who practices Buddhism and the reflection from Serguei, our guest musician this morning. As a heretical faith that values choice and freedom over strict thinking, this environment is one in which we feel most religiously at home.

However, as Tom Owen-Towle rightly points out in his book, this leads many of Unitarian Universalists to become "theological crossbreeds". The ultimate example of this is children of interfaith marriages like myself who celebrate both Jewish and Christian holidays. Whereas some people feel that one path must be followed, I am very comfortable exploring the wisdom of the world's religions. I find inspiration both from the realm of science and mysticism without contradiction. The Rev. Tom Owen-Towle calls us "Riders of Paradox". Here is a sample from his book: "Being riders of paradox is apparently our particular niche as liberal religionists. We seem to pitch our tent in the creases between mysticism and humanism, theism and naturalism, believing and doubting, devotion and skepticism. At our truest, Unitarian Universalists are spiritually ambidextrous, defining ourselves from both from below and above. We are a reasonable religion with mystical sensibilities-in short , we are theological crossbreeds."

Having that freedom does not mean that we should be sloppy about religious questions. The fact that we affirm and promote the right of conscience and a free and responsible search for truth and meaning empowers each one of us to wrestle or engage directly with the sacred. If we do so, our answers may change over the course of our lives as life is a continual process of growth and discovery.

Let's take a moment to reflect on our own life's journey. What has been your relationship to God or the sacred over time? Find a comfortable position with your feet solidly on the ground. Feel your body relaxed but alert. Allow the muscles of your face to be soft and your breathing to flow in and out naturally.

Take a moment to remember yourself as a child.
What were your beliefs about God?
Where did those ideas come from?
As a child, what was of greatest value to you?
How did you relate to the sacred?
Was there a time in your childhood where you wrestled with God or God wrestled with you?

Take a moment to remember yourself as a teenager.
What were your beliefs about God?
Where did those ideas come from?
As a teenager, what was of greatest value to you?
How did you relate to the sacred?
Was there a time in your childhood where you wrestled with God or God wrestled with you?

Take a moment to connect with this time in your life's journey.
What are your beliefs about God?
At this time in your life, what is of greatest value to you?
How do you relate to the sacred?

Think for a moment about the doubts, struggles and challenges that you are facing at this time. Your wrestling and holding on can turn a negative situation into a positive blessed-filled one. Whatever your sense of ultimate meaning, be it God, Love, the Spirit of Life, Human potential, know that is with you in the struggle. Consider for a moment what you need in order to turn a negative situation into a positive blessed-filled one. Even if you do not find a definite answer this moment, make a promise to your deepest self that you will find what you need in order to not only survive the struggle but for it to be transformed to a blessing.

Offer your own silent prayer of gratitude for the gift of life, the spiritual journey, and your companions human and divine who will not ever let you go.

Amen.

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¹ This interpretation comes from The New Interpreter's Bible, Abington Press, Nashville: 1994.