Copyright 2005 Rev. Amy B. Freedman

December Dilemma~ Ideas from Interfaith Families

Rev. Amy B. Freedman
Channing Memorial Church
December 4, 2005

As some of you may be aware, there is a controversy stirring in our neighboring state of Massachusetts about whether seasonal evergreens should be called Christmas or Holiday Trees. It is reported that the debate began when a department store posted a sign reading "Fresh Cut Holiday Trees". Some customers felt outraged as if the Christmas tradition was under attack. You may recall a similar hullabaloo last year down South when store clerks were asked to greet customers by saying "Happy Holidays!" instead of "Merry Christmas!" Some Christian pastors objected and campaigned that "Christ" be put back into "Christmas".

Personally, I find no objection to stores trying to appeal to a wide variety of people. The reality is that we are a nation of religious pluralism. I also know of no Jew who would object to evergreens being advertised as Christmas Trees even if they themselves chose to have one in their home and call it a "Chanukah Bush".

This debate over inclusive language and the passion expressed in defense of Christmas reveals an underlying tension in our society. Many people strongly believe that their religion is the one true path and so anything that brings their beliefs or practices into question is seen as threatening.

I recently saw a play called "Greetings!" at the Firehouse Theatre. The premise of the play is that the eldest son brings his fiancée home to meet the family on Christmas Eve. As the drama unfolds over dinner, the parents discover not only that she does not share their Catholic faith, she is Jewish and an Atheist. When the son asks his father to respect his future wife's beliefs, the Father snaps that it's impossible. "I believe in God and she doesn't. We can't both be right. One of us is wrong-and it's not me!"

This very sort of thinking has led to violence, persecution, wars, and divisions between families and neighbors. Over time, many individuals have fallen in love with someone of a different faith. Some parents have objected so strongly to their offspring marrying outside their religious heritage that from that moment on they acted as if their son or daughter were no longer living.

This is not only a Christian perspective. The only piece of hate mail I have ever received was from a Jew who had survived the Holocaust. The handwritten letter sent to the Unitarian Universalist Society of Martha's Vineyard expressed contempt for my betrayal of the Jewish faith in becoming a Reverend. A response was impossible as there was no return address and the letter was eerily signed with a large X.

Like the participants in today's service, I was blessed with a family that readily accepted my parent's interfaith marriage. My maternal side is Catholic. My paternal side is Jewish. My parents were married by a Unitarian minister and joined a Unitarian Universalist congregation when I was three. For me, there never was a tension between the two traditions. Growing up, I celebrated both Jewish and Christian holidays, still do. Belonging to a Unitarian Universalist congregation, enabled my family to honor their religious heritage and for all of us to explore our own beliefs, to deepen our faith, and to live our convictions.

As Unitarian Universalists, we believe in a free and responsible search for truth and meaning. This means that we are able to remain true to ourselves while respecting the ideas and practices of other people.

As I prepared for today's service, I thought of the many different traditions represented in this congregation. Some people hold dual membership in another church or synagogue or pagan circle or Buddhist sanga. There are members whose partners or children belong to a different faith or none at all. Many partners who were raised in different traditions come here for a supportive environment for their growing family.

So, what about the December Dilemma? In this season, so many conflicts can arise in an interfaith household that there are actually support groups, articles, and books to help navigate holiday celebrations. There is even a term for the blending of holidays: Chrismukkah, which is a whole lot easier to say than Christmahannukwanzika.

I am not suggesting that all holidays should be blended together. Each tradition has its own distinct history, meaning, and rituals that should be honored. It's not even as simple as celebrating each equally because Chanukah is actually a relatively minor Jewish holiday. Some Jewish families give presents like the Christian practice because of its proximity to Christmas.

It is important to understand that Chanukah is not the Jewish Christmas but commemorates a historic struggle for religious freedom. During the second century, Antiochus ascended to the throne of Syria. He captured Judea, which is now known as Jerusalem and imposed Hellenistic culture by force. He commanded that the Jews worship only Greek gods. The Temple was captured, the Eternal Light was extinguished, and the stone altar was torn down. The Syrians sacrificed pigs in bold defiance of Jewish law.

After three years of fighting, a small Jewish army known as the Maccabees recaptured the Temple of Jerusalem. The remnants of swine were scrubbed clean. The altar was rebuilt. Chanukah means dedication, it is a celebration of the rededication of the Temple.

Why do Jews light a menorah for eight nights? The letters on the dreidel hint at part of the story that has been told for generations, "A Great Miracle Happened There". As it is told, there was only enough oil to burn the Eternal Flame of the Temple for a single day. To everyone's amazement, the Ner Tamid remained lit for eight days! This is also a wonderful reason to eat fried foods like latkes and doughnuts in that they recall the oil and the miracle of light.
The reason that I have gone into detail about the meaning and practice of Chanukah is that this is the first step in solving the December Dilemma. It is important as we celebrate holidays and invite others to participate with us in rituals to consider their meaning.

Interfaith families who are able to have a joyful December are the ones who have a sense of holy curiosity. In appreciating another tradition, they strive to understand and respect what makes it significant and beautiful. As I spoke to members of this church whose families celebrate both Jewish and Christian holidays, they shared how honoring their partner's religious tradition enriched their life, how in entering into a relationship with someone of a different faith broke through their own stereotypes and misunderstandings, and how sharing one's own traditions also deepened their sense of connection to their own family heritage.

Whether or not you celebrate Chanukah each person here has a December Dilemma. That dilemma is whether or not you choose to create a happy life.

No matter what challenges you are facing, each day is an invitation to create a meaningful life. I know that many people are already feeling stressed out with conflicting obligations, holiday activities, and more chores than time to complete them. Even if your whole family celebrates Christmas there can be competition between relatives, pressures over presents, and conflicts over family customs.

On this first Sunday of December, I would like to remind you to move beyond the either/or mindset. Take some time on this Sabbath day to consider what is most valuable. What traditions are most important to you and why? Who needs to know that you care? How do you want to spend your time?

If you would like to solve the December Dilemma, take time to share the answers to these questions with your partner, family or friends. Really listen to the answers and then make plans together. Instead of hurrying and scurrying or buying presents that no one really needs, try to focus your energy this holiday season on that which is of greatest value:
What traditions are most important to you and why?
Who needs to know that you care?
How do you want to spend your time?

Joseph Campbell wrote, "People say that what we're all seeking is the meaning of life. I don't think that's what we're really seeking. I think what we're seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will resonate with our innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive."

My prayer this holiday season is that we experience the rapture of being alive. Truly it does not matter whether you call it a Holiday or Christmas tree, whether you celebrate Chanukah or Christmas or Solstice or a combination of all three. What matters is that we find a way to experience the holiness of life itself. Holidays are a time set apart to recognize the sacred purpose of our lives. Interfaith families and friendships are a sign of hope that the barriers, which can separate us, can indeed be broken down. Instead of being swept up in the mad rush of consumerism and frantic activity, let us strengthen our ties to our heritage, find room for the sacred, and enrich our bonds of love and understanding with one another.